FFS friday- I have 3 weeks worth of FFS and I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

   There is 3 weeks worth of stuff here, grab a drink and`be prepared to sit through the longest post ever written.

WEEK 1
Sunday- had a lovely family day out at Trainworks, highly recommend it, will do a separate post.  2 things made me say FFS.
1  The ipad made an appearance in my bag and that is where it stayed lucky we had the pram and I was not carrying it.  FFS. 
2 The HOTH managed to have his phone switched off for a couple of hours and the world did not end but when he switched it back on there was a message from our neighbours 2 doors up saying they had one of our dogs.  FFS
I did feel better about the ipad as there was a lady yelling at her husband to catch their little boy as he was running off but he was too busy playing with his ipad.  Had she not been running off I would have shaken her hand! FFS
Sunday night the usual shower with the hot water running out half way through nothing unusual there except I realised we had swimming the next morning meaning I had to dehair in freezing water.  FFS
Tuesday- for some reason we had eaten dinner and the HOTH had had a shower by 530pm which meant it was up to me to shower with the kids so as there was hours to kill before bedtime we all hopped in the bath for an hour as there was tonnes of hot water.  I practised my The Voice audition songs loudly and then realised our neighbours (the ninjas) house is so close we can basically reach out and touch it therefore they would have heard my fabulous singing.  Embarrassed.  FFS
Towards the end of bath time I distinctly remember saying "DON'T POKE YOUR BROTHER IN THE EYE" FFS
The baby was up in the night but after a half hour cuddle on the lounge fell asleep..
Wednesday-  Baby wakes at 7am crying I go in there and his right eye is puffy and shut and slightly watery.  FFS
 I rename him Mike Tyson.  FFS 
I think its scabby eye but then remember the poking incident.  FFS
I remember that you can get scabby eye drops from the chemist without a prescription so off we go to the shops.  Get an awesome parking spot near aldi which is a bit of a walk from the chemist but as it was not raining that didn't matter.  Go to get the pram out of the car it wasn't there FFS.
 I had to carry 14kgs of baby around.  FFS  I love this kid but he is a freaking giant.
 Got the drops from the chemist after having to admit in front of a few people that his eye maybe scabby eye or a result of his brother poking him.  FFS 
Wrestle the baby and get 4 lots of drops in just in case it was scabby eye.  FFS 
Turns out it was not scabby eye.  FFS
Thursday-  This is dedicated to http://www.dearbabyg.com/ and http://www.delightfullytackylilsquirts.com/ and a couple of others who I cannot remember.
It would seem a couple of weeks ago all the men in Australia were asking the question "what do you do all day"and various other little gems like that which can result in screaming matches and no speaking etc depending on your household.  This was also first day back to preschool after 2 long weeks of school holidays so I got a slight attack of the guilts and decided to have a big effort and clean while I only had one child at home.  How quickly things turn bad!!  This is slightly long bear with me!!
815am I tell the kids to walk or crawl to the gate while I grab the bags and keys.  They go outside and I hear the dogs metal bowl banging on the deck, I thought it was the baby spinning it around didn't think anything of it grabbed the kids in the car off to preschool.  After ditching the big one the baby and I got back in the car and were home in under 45 mins (new world record)  I got stuck into some serious housework and iron mike was happy playing outside.  After a while I hear him calling "mumma blah gabble mumma"  trying to tell me something.  I was in my room and I could hear him talking still trying to get my attention so I go out to find him.  Turns out he was trying to show me a plastic toy trailer filled with dirt and water which had sloshed out at the back door when he tried to bring it in and was leaking a lovely path up the hallway.  FFS.
  On the carpet.  FFS
 The dog bowl they had been playing with was the water bowl.  FFS
 Moral of the story do not leave kids unattended to do housework.  FFS
 After cleaning the mess which took forever my phone rang, it was the preschool telling me that there had been an accident.  My heart skipped a beat but it turns out that when the big one was running he had tripped over and hurt his mouth but he was fine and eating an iceblock.  FFS
 I should have said thats great a fat lip will compliment his brothers black eye.  He was fine and after a couple of days of bandaids on a small grazed hand he was good as new.  Until the next time.  FFS
Friday-  Could not get my computer working.  FFS 
Switched it off all weekend and it worked again on monday.  FFS
Saturday night the dogs got out again.  FFS 
They brought  home a pinata.  FFS
Sunday- the Labrador was quiet all day as she came home after eating god knows what all night.  Her stomach was bloated and she did not move pretty much all day.  I was cooking dinner on sunday night when I hear "whats that, is that spew mum"  Yep the dog had spewed all over the carpet a big pile of black mush.  FFS. 
I was so angry that I could not speak and I nearly vomited myself cleaning it up.  FFS
WEEK 2
Monday- It had been raining a lot and I stacked it down our slippery muddy driveway after swimming.  I was ok until about lunchtime when I could not sit down.FFS  All good now!!  FFS
Tuesday- the baby had green snot so as per my rule on snot we skipped playgroup and went to woolies instead which is where I saw the MINCEPIES.  FFS. 
In freaking July.  FFS
Friday-  I cleaned the house like a mad woman in the morning as I was meeting some friends and I knew that when we got home the boys would be exhausted and sleep for ages and I could finally sit down and write my FFS.  At 1030 when we were supposed to leave I could not find my car key anywhere so ripped the tidy house apart looking for it.  FFS.
I found it at 1130 in the toy digger, damn bower bird kids.  FFS.  We went out an hour late and neither boy would sleep when we got home not that that matters as I had to retidy and clean.  FFS. 
I really need to get a spare key for my car.  FFS
Friday arvo I was getting my washing in when the ninja neighbours stick their heads over the fence and say they have called the real estate agents about getting a new fence as my dogs keep getting into their yard.  They were nice about it but still FFS.  I said no worries we will be out of here very soon (which we will be and thats another new FFS.  How to break a lease and not lose any money  FFS) so now we have to lock the dogs up in the garage at night and every time we go out and I now have to supervise the dogs so they don't keep busting out.  FFS 
Its been a week and no word from the real estate.  FFS  They are quick to call if you innocently forget to pay and are a week behind.FFS
WEEK 3
Not much has gone on this week except my children are enjoying many early mornings of Olympic watching.  FFS.
Saturday night from 1130pm until about 1 am we were watching the horsies and road cycling.  FFS Tuesday from 330am and Thursday from 5am.  FFS
The neighbour 2 doors up asked how many kids we had.  FFS  I hate living in a quiet street.  FFS
Thats it for me.  If you have read down this far you deserve a medal!! 

the baby and the dogs edited on my phone by a 3 year old.

nothing beats a dog for a pillow.  he had a haircut not long after this photo!!

I know its tuesday but ffs!!

Fridays FFS is going to be a marathon effort  all to be explained and whinged about then but I could not let another day go past without having some kind of whine and by whine I do not mean wine as I now go straight for the hard stuff!!

SUPERMARKETS                                                                                                                                           

• First of all last tuesday morning I saw crates of mince pies at woolies, i wish i had taken a photo of the offending pastries.  ITS NOT EVEN AUGUST WHY ARE THERE MINCE PIES OUT ALREADY??????????????  In case the capital letters are not enough of a give away I get severely irritated by Christmas.
• Stop moving stuff around.  My idea of a good time is not trawling the store looking for something that was there last week and has now moved.
• If you want me to use the self service check out I want a discount as everytime I have ever used a self service it has been an epic fail.
• Enough with the email activating of rewards.  Make it automatic please.
• Ask a woman/mother before building your next stores. Below are some free helpful hints as it is obvious men design these buildings.

1. Put a toilet in the store.
2. Have a service where people can ring up and order a few things and pick it up without having to get out of the car.
3. Have a couple of car spots for people who are just running in.
4. Banish all toys and lollies or anything with a character to an adults only section of the shop.  Give us a break we are still going to buy it just not in front of the kids.  Think of the tantrum saver that would be. 
5. Instead of free samples of food why not free alcohol? 

This applies to all supermarkets I am not a supermaketist and yes spell check I did make that word up!!  I am sure there is more and I will add any I have forgotten!!

Thanks again for the link up Jess!!

Blogging from a readers point of view

I had a long winded post in my head but my opinions can be summed up in a few short points and also my laptop is not cooperating.

• Its a free country if you do not want to read, see, hear something you do not have too.  I exercise this right on a daily basis.  Enough with the negative commenting.  If you do not like something click away or change the channel etc. 
• Who does not want free stuff or money?  Why should bloggers be an different.  Seriously I would love to meet anyone who would turn down anything for free or money in exchange for trialling it and writing about it.
• Brands need to embrace bloggers more.  Example - I need a storage system for my house I am choosing an expedit from good old Ikea not because someone reviewed it but because I saw it "in action" in a photo on someones blog (sorry i cannot for the life of me remember where).  Everything looks good in a stylised photo I am the kind of person who needs to see something in real life especially big things like furniture.  Seriously brands the options are limitless.
• I am also a big fan of "word of mouth" especially again if something has worked, you got a great bargain or a business has done a good job.  In saying that I mean from the mouth of a person and not  the companies mouth.  I love reading reviews where the blogger has put their own unique spin on it.
• I would like to see reviews that are honest.  If something does not work or you get dodgy service I also want to know that too.  Nothing like a bit of balance.

This is part one as my computer has had enough!!

FFS FRIDAY 13/7/12

Friday again FFS

We have had a very quiet week here, boring actually.  FFS

Minimal tantrums and 3 full nights sleep. I am still tired.  FFS

My major gripes with the world are these

1. 2 stupid articles in the sunday paper, one about how by the age of 6 most kids will be sleeping through the night.  4 and a half years to go. FFS.
2. The other article was how toddlers benefit from being talked to, read to and sung to for at least an hour a day.  Two ways to look at that, the first is SERIOUSLY NO SHIT SHERLOCK, the other is why do I bother for the other 11 or so hours everyday.  FFS
3. The tour de freaking france is still going.  FFS
4. Why is every man and their dog pregnant or just had a baby and why are both my children obsessed with tiny babies.  FFS
5. Even the HOTH jumped on the baby bandwagon the other day when he spent too much time alone driving around for work.  FFS
6. He came home to a majorly bad witching hour and soon changed his mind. He also thinks as I had a fairly easy time of childbirth that a third time would be a breeze.  FFS
7. My angelic cherubs ate all their dinner on wednesday night, sausages and 2 minute noodles.  I am having a hard time deciding what to wear when I am presented with my mother of the year award.  FFS
8. I officially give up trying to cook.  FFS
9. The ipad is still a hot topic of FFS.  I dont care how good it is.  FFS
10. In the mean time I am using my busted ass laptop which is slowly every day deciding it does not like working.  This post has taken me an hour.FFS.

Thats it for today before I chuck this computer out the window.
Thanks again http://www.dearbabyg.com/

FFS FRIDAY- FIGJAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday again.  The weeks are flying by.  FFS

The $15 dvd player has given up working.  FFS

Ok I am secretly happy about that for 2 reasons.  1.  I may be able to now get a dvd recorder and 2.  if I see Cars, Cars 2, Toy story 2 or any Fireman Sam dvd again in the near future I may become homicidal.  FFS

Just for the record I put dvds on when the kids are up at 5am and I have not had any coffee yet or on a rainy day which funnily enough has gone on all week.  FFS

Just who is up watching the tour de freaking france in the middle of the night which meant "one born every minute" was not on last night.  FFS

Why are concert promoters so greedy?  To go to the PLAYSCHOOL show they classed a child as 12 months and up.  FFS

Makes me sound like a tight ass but seriously what a rort.  No playschool show for us even if Jay is performing.  FFS

I managed to cook something in the crappy rental oven without burning or under cooking it.  FFS

The HOTH's precious IPAD died on tuesday causing all sorts of withdrawal problems.  Apparently I should have channelled Steve Jobs to fix it.  FFS

He sorted it on Wednesday morning and has been happy ever since.  FFS

Meanwhile I got a message from vodafone saying I had used all my data for the month.  FFS

On the topic of phones I hate the new facebook on my phone and blogger is in french.  FFS

If either child takes my phone and uses it again I will scream. FFS

They are the reason I have no data or batteries.  FFS

This video is the reason I have no batteries.  It is the only thing guaranteed to stop the baby from crying.  FFS

We all want to go back to Fiji ASAP. FFS

The 3 year old is asking santa for a phone for christmas.  FFS

Christmas gives me the shits.  FFS

What a random collection of complaints this week.  FFS

Thats it for me with one last thing.  I am awarding myself a FIGJAM award.  (I totally made it up but I think its cool).
Wednesday morning at 430am I called pj day which was well needed and fun until Wednesday night I realised I had very little milk.  Being the good mother/ martyr I am I did not use all the milk in my coffee and was desperately searching the pantry for long life milk on thursday morning when I discovered some cartons of long life chocolate milk.  Yes I may have discovered the best thing i  the world COFFEE WITH CHOCOLATE MILK.  SO for that I simply say FIGJAM!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again for the link up http://www.dearbabyg.com/

FFS. Music soothes the soul!!

  
Same old same old this week.  FFS
Tantrumming 3 year old making me look like mother of the year (NOT) every time we go out in public.  FFS
Teething non sleeping 18 month old.  FFS
Me with the flu.  FFS
School freaking holidays.  Why did I choose preschool that only runs in the school terms.  FFS
I found the camera cord.  It was in the camera case where I put it so it wouldnt get lost.  FFS
No booze for over a week as I am a responsible parent (if the baby ahd had another temp on friday night he would have gone to the lovely hopital emergency room) and I was the designated driver LIKE ALWAYS on saturday night.  FFS


I love these songs and have blasted them all week on my stinking laptop as we dont have a proper cd player.  FFS
I swear Dave Grohl says FFS in the film clip.  Its also very appropriate for FFS.  Its a classic Foo Fighters clip.!! 
We welcomed a "work" ipad into our home this week which apparently I am not allowed to use but a certain someone can check facebook all the time on it.  FFS
Thats me done for the week.  FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FFS friday. I am getting a FFS tattoo.

FFS

I will keep this short and sweet.  Its my recipe on how to have a week where the only way to describe it is FFS!!

1 screaming, tantrum throwing 3 year old who twice in the week has had major meltdowns in public places.  I am still processing todays effort in the doctors waiting room but Wednesdays is a classic!!  I warned him not to but he did it anyway HE OPENED THE FIRE DOOR AT OUR SUPERMARKET SETTING OFF ALL THE ALARMS!!..  Totally freaked himself out and then had a meltdown as I would not let him back in the trolley.  FFS

Also why did I not know about the toy sale at aldi??  I would have avoided it like the plague.  FFS

A teething now sick baby who has only slept through once this week.  Not his fault I know but last nights effort is a champion one.  FFS 

Until last night I can honestly say I have never been up all night with either boy.  FFS

I should stop calling him the baby, he is nearly 18 months old.  FFS

I burnt my right hand on the sandwich press on Tuesday and burnt my left hand on a hotplate which had been turned on by a certain 3 year old on Thursday.  FFS

I have misplaced the camera cord.  FFS

That's it from me,  I am off to see if I have a bottle of wine in the fridge!!  FFS

Thanks again Dear BabyG!!